no, i actually dont believe that “heaven is a place on earth”, that phrase is the name of a top 80’s song by belinda carlisle. she was silly. in all honesty, if i died today and was looking forward to heaven… and then realized that it was back in sterling, virigina, where i currently reside, i’d be pretty disappointed. don’t worry guys, heaven won’t be in sterling, va- although there is a great pho restaurant there. when i get to heaven i’ll probably still write blogs and do podcasts with danny. we’ll probably get censored like crazy more than we already do. God is going to ‘hibachi’ us, literally.
for some yogurt lovers heaven WAS a place on earth when a tractor trailer filled with 
thirty thousand pounds of yogurt flipped over on a vancouver roadway on thursday morning. it was a white gooey mess all over the roadway and no one wanted to touch that junk. i could see some health-conscious joggers just doing swan dives into it and sprinkling granola and blue-berries on it before guzzling it down like it was going out of style. some people love them some yogurt. i dont like yogurt too much but pick your poison- that truck could have been filled with anything… beer, mashed potatoes, cottage cheese… whatever tickles your fancy. i personally would do a breast-stroke through mashed potatoes because its so good. some things just give a man utter satisfaction and glee.
speaking of “glee”, i could watch that show 24/7 on hulu.com. i’d do the backstroke in a life full of “glee” episodes- its my guilty pleasure. i also love washington d.c. sports, except for the current dysfunctional season the redskins are having (mmm, i’d probably do 10 laps of freestyle form in wizards and capitals games. i might even drown while doing that, but i’d die happy). i love a good steak from ruth’s chris steakhouse and lastly… (prepare for geek-alert) i love playing madden ‘06 on playstation 2 and completely creating new players for a 53 man roster 
and putting them through vigorous workouts to see them improve (my current star running back is a fictional character named ‘chad vanelli’ out of byu. he had 2 pro-bowl seasons his first 2 years in the league and i just drafted a 6′3 stud receiver, marty brown) -i’m a nerd. i also love to build new stadiums for them and make sure all the fans have the greatest accomodations like personal replay devices for each seat in the stadium, a HD jumbo tron that trumps the one jerry jones built for the dallas cowboys and luxury press boxes. i hold a fan appreciation day which hurts the pocket a little but its worth it when they print great articles in the ea-sports-tribune to applaud how im leading the organization/team. i then build my franchise up through the nfl draft and never trade for a player just because he had one great season. i develop young players through sitting them behind veterans and letting them learn the system of coach willie mcginnest, the 37 year old former new england patriots linebacker.
you guys think im a loser but that is my pleasure. and guess what? i’d trade all the glee, i’d never eat mashed potatoes again in my life, i’d cut down on red meat, and pull the plug on an illustrious madden career – all for one thing – a superbowl victory for my boys, the washington redskins. dan snyder, you can learn a thing or two about running an organization from my madden skills.
next time, when i see a tractor trailer flip on I-495, i want to see dan snyder and vinny cerato’s decision making duties just spew out all over rush hour traffic. no more bad trades and draft picks. that would be heaven on earth for me. im out!
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