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Don’t give me that crap about football being the global game played by kicking a round ball back and forth. That game is called SOCCER. I’m talking about what Spaniards call ‘Futbol Americano’. “Americano! Americano!” That’s a line from a movie called ‘The Talented Mr. Ripley’… believe it or not! It would do Korea and other Asian countries well to adopt football. It will cause men to grow a set and stop wearing skinny jeans. We could start with a small league with a few teams: the Pusan Packers, the Seoul Steelers, the Cheju Chargers, and the hated Pyongyang Cowboys (because Jerry Jones = Kim Jong Il). You could sign Hines Ward to a contract since he’s half Korean. Then there was former New England Patriot offensive lineman, Eugene Chung. How about ex-Dallas Cowgirl linebacker, Dat Nguyen (pronounced “WIN”)? He is Vietnamese but… OK fine, he can play. After that, things get a bit tougher. Patrick Chung plays safety for the Patriots but he’s only a quarter-Chinese. OK, you’re in, Pat… but only because of your last name. And we definitely need to pick up the University of Nebraska stud Ndamukong Suh. He’s big and black but he’s got a Korean last name too so he’s in.

So it seems like we have the start of a budding football league in the “Land of the Morning Calm” but there is a bigger reason why Korea needs this league. You see, Korea has one of the lowest birthrates in the world. Read the BBC Article about how the Alexander Semins of Korea are not scoring goals frequently enough, if you get my pun. The lack of babies born in recent times has got Korean government officials a bit worried. However, you put a football league in Korea and *poof* problem solved. The 53 man rosters of these 4 proposed teams would wreak havoc in Korea, much like Dating-in-Korea-Girl pwns Korean boys (episode 11). Not only would you have a baby boom, but you’d likely have a lot of half black, half asian babies a la Hines Ward and Tiger Woods. You’d have a generation of future superstars! To further help with the issue, the owner of the Seoul Steelers could advise coach Mike Tomreen (Tomlin) to draft Travis Henry (11 kids with 10 different women) and Marshall Faulk (6 kids by 3 women). If only the legendary Derrick Thomas (7 children by 5 women) was still alive! So let’s get this issue resolved. Korea, stop wasting money on Hyundai and Kia and invest in football ASAP! “How bow dem Cowboy?!”

Tags: cheju, dat nguyen, derrick thomas, eugene chung, football, futbol americano, hines ward, illegitimate children, KFL, kim jong il, korea, marshall faulk, ndamukong suh, patrick chung, pusan, pyongyang, seoul, soccer, tiger woods, travis henry